Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 74"

NYTimes writer Paul Krugman . . .

"Social Security is a government program that works, a demonstration that a modest amount of taxing and spending can make people's lives better and more secure. And that's why the right wants to destroy it."

Need to lose weight? . . .

Scotch tape a picture of actress Kristie Alley on your refrigerator. [:-o)

NY Daily News poll . . .

Do you believe Barry Bonds was unaware the substances he was using were steroids?
Results : Yes, 1% No, 99% [:-)

Pearl Buck . . .

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. his heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration."

Satchel Paige . . .

"Never let your head hang down. never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines." [:-)

My friend Sad Sam . . .

"All I want for Christmas is a new Talon robot with a six-shot grenade launcher. And thanks to the NRA and the Republican Party I may soon be allowed to purchase one." [:-{

Franklin Roosevelt . . .

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."

Muhammad Ali . . .

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth." {:-)

Say What? . . .

In, "The Godfather Returns" Clemenza receives a mysterious package. He opens it and sees a BLT sandwich. "What the hell does this mean?" said the new Godfather. His #1 Lieutenant tells him, "It means Paulie now sleeps with the pigs." [:-o)

This just in . . .

Super model Heidi Klum has signed a two-year deal to endorse McDonald's hamburgers. "We now have the best buns in town", said Ronald McDonald. [:-o)

You wanna talk Wall Street? . . .

Several years ago I bought 10,000 shares of, "Hibernation's Unlimited." I had to. It was a Bear market. [:-o)

And the beat goes on . . .

Recently, Top Gun told the Marines that things are getting better in Iraq. That's funny. A new CIA report says the situation in Iraq is getting worse, not better. [:-{

The Bubel Aiken Foundation . . .

Promotes policies of inclusion for people of all abilities.
www.thebubelaikenfoundation.org

Wangari Maathal . . .

Nobel Peace Prize winner; "Today we are faced with a challenge that calls for a shift in our thinking, so that humanity stops threatening its life-support system. We are called to assist the Earth to heal her wounds, and in the process heal our own, indeed, to embrace the whole creation in all its diversity, beauty and wonder." {:-)

Charles Dickens . . .

"Is not Mankind our business?"



Happy & Healthy Holidays
Best Wishes Always - Jerry.

E-mail Jerry
Contents
Home

Copyright ©2005 lampoon.net, All Rights Reserved
info@lampoon.net

Netweb Consultants, Inc.
web site designed and maintained by: Netweb Consultants Inc.
631-224-1244