Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 73"

Editorial . . .

Someone once said, "The mass mind is fickle at best." Today, Alfred E. Neuman continues to front for Darth Vader, the heartless shill for the energy corporations. Some religious fanatics believe Jesus would have made a great 'Secretary of War.' [Kill a Muslim for Christ.] So far our weapons of mass destruction have killed over 100,000 men, women and children in Iraq. What makes a terrorist? The Bush administration is guilty of crimes against Humanity.

Are we listening? . . .

Turkish Foreign Minister Abdullah Gul; "What is being done there [US bombing of Tal Afar, Iraq.] is harming the civilian population, that it is wrong, and that if it continues, Turkey's cooperation on issues regarding Iraq will come to a total stop."

Dwight Eisenhower . . .

"America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches, and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment."

Jim Wallis . . .

"Unless we drain the swamp of injustice in which the mosquitoes of terrorism breed, we'll never defeat the threat of terrorism."

Howard Zinn . . .

"There is a firm connection between entrenched wealth and political power, manifested in the decisions of government and in the machinery of law and justice."

Edward Abbey . . .

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country from his government."

Thomas Jefferson . . .

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Harry Truman . . .

"Are the special privilege boys going to run the country, or are the people going to run it?"

Plato . . .

"One of the penalties for refusing to vote is that you end being governed by your inferiors."

Theodore Roosevelt. . . .

"Here is your country. Cherish these natural wonders, cherish the natural resources, cherish the history and romance as a sacred heritage, for your children and your children's children. Do not let selfish men or greedy interests skin your country of its beauty, its riches, or its romance."

George Orwell . . .

"Who controls the present controls the past."

Jerry . . .

"Is it wise to write American history books that inspire patriotism by slanting the truth? Can't we handle the truth and still love our country?"

Frederick Douglas . . .

"He is a lover of his country who rebukes and does not excuse its sins."

Dick Cheney, aka, Darth Vader . . .

"In the Middle East and Southwest Asia, our overall objective is to remain the predominant outside power in the region and preserve US and western access to the region's oil." [1991]

Read: "Dick The Man Who Is President" by John Nichols.

Dante . . .

"The hottest place in hell is reserved for those who in time of crisis remain neutral."

Bill Moyers . . .

New book; "Moyers On America." Bill wrote; "Self-interest is a great motivator for production and progress but is amoral unless contained within the framework of social justice."

Bill O'Reilly . . .

"Trust me, you cannot get an ear infection from phone sex." [:-)

Lake Wobeon code . . .

"Cheer up, make yourself useful, mind your manners, and avoid self-pity." Garrison Keillors new book, "Homegrown Democrat."

This just in . . .

When Top Gun was told that Kerry conceded, he immediately demanded a re-count. {:-)

Maybe . . .

On Election Day @ 7AM I got stuck behind an undecided voter. I yelled into the booth, "Listen I'll be back after lunch, OK?" A voice replied, "I'm not sure." [:-o)

New leaf . . .

If the pitcher pitches to the second baseman instead of to the catcher, has he turned his life around? {:-)

Hmmm? . . .

Having intercourse with corpses is now illegal in California after Gov. Schwarzenegger signed a new bill barring the practice. However, 'heavy petting' remains an option. [:-o)

Aids Research . . .

Hope you make a donation. All our bright tomorrows depend on our actions today.

This just in . . .

Scientists tell us Southern voters need to use more sun-block. [:-o)



Best Wishes Always - Jerry.

E-mail Jerry
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