The ends justify the means. . .
Son : Dad, what do you do for a living?
Dad : How old are you boy?
Son : I'm 12, Dad.
Dad : Are you? I guess you're old enough. I'm a Button man.
Son : A what?
Dad : You know, I whack people.
Son : But Dad. . .
Dad : Listen Son, we had nothing, then my boss adopted me. Now we have food, clothes, a car, a house and health insurance. Understand?
Son : I guess so.
Dad : I'm like the Lone Ranger. I only kill evil doers. Understand?
Son : I think so.
Dad : Listen Son, I love you, I love your Mom, I love our family, I love flowers, I love birds in the trees, I love little baby ducks, I love. . .
Son : I understand Dad.
Twenty years later. . .
Son : Some say my Dad was a swell guy. Some say my Dad was the second coming of, 'Machine Gun Kelly.' I say, he was my Dad.
Fighting for the Dow. . .
- Does Wall Street want war with Iraq and the Evil Axis and the Sinister Seven and the Dirty Dozen?
- Do C.E.O.s like Golden Parachutes?
- Details. . . www.WagTheDog.com
This man can write. . .
I miss reading Sidney Zion's column. Perhaps the New York Times or the New York Daily News or Newsday will give him a new home.
Good luck Sid. You're 'top shelf.'
Writer's Chai tea. . .
A gallon a day for 6 months. Still can't write. Never mind.
One man's opinion. . .
We should fire Securities and Exchange Commissioner chairman, Harvey Pitt and hire Ralph Nader.
Details. . . www.CleaningHouse.com
Sorry 'Bout that. . .
Nothing like eating hamburgers on Monday and reading on Tuesday, 'Recall of tainted ground beef.' Reminds me of the movie. . . "D.O.A."
Say what? . .
Thong undies : 2 Band-Aids sewn together.
Golden Parachute : The stuff dreams are made of.
Presto. . .
My friend, Sam the Sorcerer had a bad day. He sawed his assistant in half, then forgot the magic words to put her back together again. Thank God for krazy glue!
Road rage. . .
Did you hear about the accident on the Parkway? A Mustang ran into a Bronco. Both horses died.
Quiz. . .
Who made the following statements. . .
- "I'm still not sure what happened."
- "I still haven't figured it out completely."
- "Sometimes things aren't exactly black and white when it comes to accounting procedures."
- "I blame the lawyers."
A. Harvey Pitt.
B. Martha Stewart.
C. Dick Cheney.
D. President Bush.
The correct answer is. . . D. President Bush.
This just in. . .
Psychic, John Edward [Crossing Over.] has contacted Ted Williams.
John : Ted, is it really you?
Ted : Yes John. It's the Splendid Splinter.
John : How is Heaven?
Ted : I can't figure out why it's so damn cold here.
John : What are you doing?
Ted : I'm arguing with Cobb and Ruth about hitting.
John : Any questions Ted?
Ted : Just one John. What's my son doing?
Details. . . www.DryIce.com
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