Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 41"


You've Got Mail. . .
 

Collectors item. . .

"Free Martha Stewart" tee shirt.
Send $100 in plain, brown paper bag to;
Hugh Werr Takin
c/o Wall Street, N.Y., U.S.A.

New book. . .

"Shouting Fire" by Alan M. Dershowitz.
The following limerick appears in the book;

"The Lament of the Coronary Patient."

My doctor has made a prognosis
That intercourse threatens thrombosis
But I rather expire
Fulfilling desire
Than abstain and develop neurosis.

Thanks Alan

Always willing to help. . .

Those of you who don't like, 'In God We Trust' on your money, may forward the offensive bills to yours truly. That's what friends are for.

New decree. . .

High court OKs vouchers [5-4 decision.] The 'fabulous five' argue;
Why build new schools when we can bribe the kids to leave?.

No sex. . .

The new arrival at the Assisted Living Home announced to one and all, she only goes to bed with. . . Ben Gay. [:-o)

Time to leave. . .

Why did the egg roll?
Because it saw the banana split. {:-)

Riddle me this. . .

Why did the American Indians commit acts of terrorism on the white settlers?

Hmmmmm? Is it possible that the occupation of the country by foreigners spawned savage acts of violence? Nah.

W.C. Fields. . .

Once said, "Never give a sucker an even break." And Wall Street listened.
Details. . . www.SuchGreed.com

10 reasons the Market is struggling. . .

Worldcom, ImClone, Enron, Andersen, Tyco, Global Crossing, Adelphia, QWest, Rite Aid and Xerox. OK, OK, Ralph Nader was right. But will he ever get more than 5% of the national vote?

More film noir favorites. . .

  1. Night Of The Hunter. 1955
  2. Niagara. 1953
  3. Night Has A Thousand. 1948
  4. Panic In The Streets. 1950
  5. Saboteur. 1942
  6. Shadow Of A Doubt. 1943
  7. Sleep My Love. 1948
  8. The Stranger. 1946
  9. Suspicion. 1941
  10. Sweet Smell Of Success. 1957
  11. Treasure Of Sierra Madre. 1948
  12. To Have And Have Not. 1944
  13. White Heat. 1949

www.noirfilm.com Dark side videos from Marc.

Best Wishes Always - Jerry.

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