Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 40"


You've Got Mail. . .
 

Ancient words of wisdom. . .

Never say to Shaq O'Neal, "You and what army?" [:-o)

Keeping up with the times. . .

Neighborhood drug dealers now stock KI pills. [potassium iodide.]

They won't get you high but they will help your thyroid gland after a radioactive attack. However the pills only protect the thyroid so drug dealers warn that you still need to, 'duck and cover.'

Brave new world. . .

Yesterday my neighbor sent an instant E-mail to his home from his office. He got no reply. So he used his cell phone and the answering machine said, his wife went to the new Super Mall and the kids are busy faxing DVD orders to his credit card.

This just in. . .

Harry Potter, Spiderman and Yoda are preparing to attack the evil,stoned Sorcerers. The bombing to start around December, 2002. Details. . . Fox TV.

Are you breathing more but enjoying it less? . . .

President [what global warming] Bush continues to oppose the Kyoto treaty despite a report by the E.P.A. Christie Whitman's staff confirms that global warming is caused primarily by cars, power plants and refineries. The European Union and Japan have ratified the agreement. Russia is expected to adopt the Kyoto treaty by the end of 2002. Hmmmm?

Say what? . . .

President Bush wants to drill for oil in Alaska but not off the coast of Florida. Hmmmm?

Official Foreign Policy. . .

The United States trades with Russia, China and Vietnam. We do not trade with Cuba. Hmmmmm?

Ain't politics grand?

So I said. . .

"After Tyson knocks out Lewis, Holyfield is next."

Never mind.

A few of my favorite noir flicks. . .

  • The Third Man. 1949
  • The Big Clock. 1948
  • Cape Fear. 1962
  • The Big Carnival. 1951
  • Dark Passage. 1947
  • Detective Story. 1951
  • The Harder They Fall. 1956
  • Laura. 1944
  • The Lost Weekend. 1953
  • Lifeboat. 1944
  • M 1931
  • The Maltese Falcon. 1953
  • Ministry of Fear. 1944
  • Touch of Evil. 1958

If you have a dark side, log on to www.noirfilm.com Seek out Marc and explore his many noir videos.

Best Wishes Always - Jerry.

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