Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 36"

Question. . .

If I wanted to get Enrongate off the front pages of America's newspapers, what would I do?
Hmmmmm?

This just in. . .

Psychic, John Edward [Crossing Over] has contacted Harry Houdini. . .

John : Is it really you Harry?

Harry : Yes John, it's the late, great Harry Houdini.

John : Harry, do you have a message for the living?

Harry : You want a message John?

John : Yes Harry. Give us a message.

Harry : Ok John. The message is, "Death sucks."

So there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen, from Harry Houdini's lips to John Edward's ear, "Death sucks."

The American way. . .

Little 7 year old Cindy died from a gun shot wound. Her last words were, "Hey, you don't want to shoot anyone." More children die from gunfire in the United States than in any other country in the World.

Free-Free-Free. . .

Are you a rebel who wants to overthrow the evil Leader of your country? Do you promise to love, honor and obey America? Then log on to, www.Uncle Sam's Free Weapons.com "Serving the World for over 50 years." Our C.I.A. guarantees overnight delivery! [ Colombian rebels need not apply.]

New books. . .

"Stupid White Men" by Michael Moore.

The first 13 pages says it all. Thanks Mike.

"Crashing The Party" by Ralph Nader.

Wonderful book. Thanks Ralph.

"So This Is Chess" starring you know who,
will be repeated on New Jersey Cablevision, ch.71 on March 20th @ 3pm

Jerry predicts in 2002. . . . . . . .

Mets beat Yanks in World Series. Mets win! Duh,duh,duh,duh!

Rudy tells his good friend George that he is running for Governor.

Trent Lott tells us Strom Thurmond is, "Fit as a fiddle."

Jay Leno replaces Ted Koppel. [Ted can't get a break.]

Gypsy warns President Bush about Enrongate. . . "Beware the lies of March."

No one on the East coast buys a swimming pool.

I go on a new diet and only gain 9 + pounds.

Best Wishes Always - Jerry.