Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 33"

'I can't get no satisfaction'. . .

So I bought a rubber doll. It didn't work out. I squeezed it and the doll said, "Not tonight I have a leaky valve."

The next day I returned the doll and went to a Bar in Manhattan to pick up a. . .

	Jerry :	Hey, what's your name?
	woman :	Honey.
	Jerry :	Let's go Honey.
	Honey :	Let's go where?
	Jerry :	You know where!
	Honey :	How much money do you have?
	Jerry :	$500

So Honey took me to Starbucks for a venti mocha and blueberry scone. Hmmm?

Stay tuned. E-mail: JerrySatire@aol.com

George Carlinism. . .

How can a potato leek?

We must bomb Iraq. . .

Last night I ran into Frank Forthrite, President of the R.R.[Radical Right.]

	Jerry :	Hey Frank, what's happening?
	Frank :	I'll tell you what's happening. We must bomb Iraq!
	Jerry :	And after we bomb Iraq?
	Frank :	We must bomb 9 or 10 other Arab States.
	Jerry :	Really?
	Frank :	Yes, really. We must get rid of all the weapons of mass destruction.
	Jerry :	Only Arab countries have weapons of mass destruction?
	Frank :	No, but we need to control the oil wells so the World will be safe for democracy.
	Jerry :	Think Bush will do it?
	Frank :	He will if the Hawks in his party can win him over.
	Jerry :	What is good for the United States is good for the World?
	Frank :	Yes sir! Uncle Sam will take care of everyone.
	Jerry :	Think the rest of the World will agree?
	Frank :	Jerry, you worry to much.
	Jerry :	Do the Hawks have a theme song?
	Frank :	Of course. It's, "Oil we are saying, is give war a chance."
	Jerry :	Say Goodnight Frank.
	Frank :	Goodnight Frank.

This just in. . .

We now have a new coffee drink. It's called, "Sessenta Multi-Multi."

Comes in one size, 60 oz. Mug. Ingredients; Coffee[optional] ,13 shots of chocolate syrup, 11 shots maple syrup, 5 cups of Carmel, 6 cups of nutmeg, 9 whole sugar canes, 5 bags marshmallows, 2 pounds of hazelnuts, 4 cans of whipped cream and a pinch of cinnamon.

Only $99, refills, $39, buy 3 and get the 4th one free
[Limited time offer.See Sunday papers for coupon.]

New, "Sessenta Multi-Multi" for the serious coffee drinker.

Best Wishes Always - Jerry.

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