Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 26"

Choir boys. . .

There are more cops in after-hour bars then there are chess players in Russia.

George Carlinism. . .

Why is the letter "b" in the word , dumb? How dumb is that? The word dummy has no letter "b" but what's with the extra "m"? The cat who created those words, had one to many, "Long Island Iced Teas."

Jug Handle : Any road in New Jersey.

This month's, "Mad As Hell Hostility Group Therapy" session has been cancelled due to the fact that no one could make bail.

Royal pain. . .

What is more annoying than a Telemarketer?

• A. Broken leg.
• B. Broken arm.
• C. Two broken legs and two broken arms.
• D. None of the above

The correct answer is. . . D. None of the above.

This just in. . .

This summer [Aug. 2001] magnificent Bull sharks, Hammerhead sharks and Nurse sharks filled the Gulf of Mexico waters. Hmmmmm? Isn't that the place W. wants to drill for oil? Perhaps the sharks are saying, "Not on my watch."

As if by Wizardry. . .

Because I'm a Magician, I know how to make myself disappear. The problem is I can only do it when my ex-wife shows up.

A fact as old as the hills. . .

A hero is, one who succeeded.