Lampoon.net

"Quickies - Vol. 24"

This just in….. On Oct.1st, 2001 the ‘Million Mom March’ and the ‘Brady Center’ will merge forces. This National merger means we the people will have a unified voice for stronger gun laws. A new U.S. Justice Department report showed that F.B.I., state and local background checks prevented 153,000 ineligible applicants from buying guns last year. If you are mad as hell and not going to take gun violence anymore, log on to www.jointogether.org

This writer favors stem cell research. We need to find cures for Alzheimer Disease, Parkinson Disease, Diabetes and spinal injuries.

If you think tobacco will never harm you, then my friend, you are ‘butt’ a fool.

Death defying act….. Engaging in sexual intercourse without protection. How dumb is that?

     If you are abusing alcohol, think liver transplant.

As we all know, ‘grease’ makes the World go round and also gets politicians elected. Doubt if we will ever see a comprehensive Campaign Finance Bill become the Law of the land. Republicans will blame Democrats and Democrats will blame Republicans and on and on and on. We need a strong Third Party.

    Am I the only one who thinks a Jazz Festival should be named after John Hammond?

    4 gills makes a pint.
    2 pints makes a quart.
    4 quarts makes a drunk.

Twist of fate….. Because legal drugs now cost more than illegal drugs we often see Grandma and Grandpa visiting neighborhood drug dens.[with coupons no less.]

Music to my ears….. Songs by Frank Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Nat King Cole and Ella Fitzgerald. And that’s the name of that tune.

My Dad has been telling me for years that we should tap the Oceans for our emergency water needs. Key word, emergency. Father knows best.

No brainer….. No one in the World should go hungry. No one. Charlie D. once penned, “Is not Mankind our business?” Charles Dickens is my favorite, bleeding heart Liberal. Hope you log on to, www.worldhungeryear.org

Sad but true….. Several nasty conflicts going on around the World. Ending turmoil takes, Intelligence, Tolerance, Compassion and Compromise. Easy to say, hard to instill.

You are old….. If you remember when a one minute TV commercial only ran two minutes.

It was hot yesterday. How hot was it? It was so hot, if you caught a fish, it was already cooked!

I kid you not…… The Vice- President told the Navy to pay his electric bill.[$186,000] He said electric rates are high and his appropriation income is small. The Navy complied. Hmmmmm? Perhaps Mr.Cheney should ask the Army to pay his gas bill. God bless America